Real Resilience is Regenerative
Joan sat at the round banquet table, her forced smile stretched so tightly across her face that her cheeks ached. When applause erupted around her yet again, she joined in dutifully, though her palms stung from the repeated clapping. On stage, her boss was receiving accolades for his outstanding leadership. As his second-in-command, Joan was expected to celebrate his moment.
And she did—at least on the outside.
Inside, she was seething.
Joan had carried the department through a chaotic year of high turnover, vision drift, and burnout. The ceremony wasn’t the time or place to show her frustration, and her presence was mandatory. So she faked it—flashing quick grins, nodding politely as colleagues offered praise, all while keeping her simmering emotions in check.
But alone in her car on the drive home, the mask cracked.
Tears flowed hot and fast, carried by a wave of anger, disappointment, and shame. She felt like a hypocrite—forced to play the role of “good soldier” while her lived experience told a far different story.
This story from a client is not uncommon. In situations like Joan’s, the old maxim “Fake it ‘til you make it” might feel necessary. Inauthenticity aside, it can be useful in the short-term by helping us show courage before we feel it or maintaining composure while under pressure. But as a long-term strategy for resilience, faking it ultimately falls short and drains us in the process.
Because real resilience isn’t about performance. It’s about integration.
Performative Resilience: Short-Term Strategy, Long-Term Costs
Faking it works by suppressing internal discomfort, such as fear, frustration, confusion; while projecting a façade of calm, confidence, and energy. When deployed with intention and in short duration, it can create momentum toward developing true resilience. But suppression takes energy – a lot of energy. Over time, the energetic expenditure performative resilience requires leads to erosion of capacity, not replenishment.
What’s not expressed eventually finds its way out, whether through frayed tempers, burnout, emotional outbursts, or increasing disconnection. No matter how well we may think we’re hiding what’s going on inside, the reality is others pick up on the energetic misalignment. The dissonance between how we feel and how we appear creates the sense that something is “off,” which can be interpreted as inauthenticity or even untrustworthiness.
True resilience doesn’t come from faking. It comes from cultivating inner strength and a grounded sense of self that aligns with how we show up externally. Emotional congruence isn’t achieved by suppressing what we feel, but by learning how to regulate and integrate it.
Real Resilience
The power of true resilience is that it can be regenerative; a dynamic resource that increases and expands with use instead of one that is depleted each time it is accessed. It can give you the capacity to adapt to challenges in real time without abandoning your values, your needs, or your emotional reality. Sometimes that means slowing down when your nervous system is signaling an overload. Sometimes that means asking for help instead of muscling through on your own.
A recent Forbes article on regenerative resilience noted:
“If a leader is faking it, chances are the rest of the team is too -- they’re smiling on Zoom while secretly feeling overwhelmed.” (Cidado, 2025)
Leaders who embody grounded presence, emotional congruence, and the courage to name challenges create a ripple effect in their organizations. Their own authenticity makes others feel safer, and in turn supports them in being more adaptable, and more connected.
“Real resilience ripples. When leaders model emotional congruence, grounded presence and the courage to speak the truth about challenges, teams become safer, more adaptable and more willing to stay engaged through change, fostering trust.” (Cidado, 2025)
Real resilience, rooted in self-trust and authentic self-expression, is regenerative because it nourishes rather than depletes.
Regenerative Resilience Practice
Resilient Leadership’s (RL’s) practices are tailor-made for cultivating regenerative resilience.
In particular, the RL practice of Getting on the Balcony is fundamental to building regenerative resilience because it allows you to gain the necessary space and perspective from which to observe yourself, others, and your system with curiosity. Using this practice can be especially helpful in identifying and reframing triggers:
Pause: When something triggers you, hit a mental pause button and shift your focus to your breath. Then, without judgement, just become aware of what emotions are surfacing. Acknowledge what you’re feeling, name each emotion.
Reframe: Next imagine you are stepping back from the triggering situation and then stepping up. From this imagined elevated vantage point, ask yourself: “What’s another way to look at this? How might I choose to respond differently?” Visualizing this shift in perspective can disrupt reactivity, offer a way to reframe the situation, and prompt new possibilities for response.
Resilience that Inspires
When you commit to practices that support true resilience, you don’t just feel better, you lead better. Your emotional congruence can create a ripple effect by showing others what it looks like to be authentic in your emotions, respond productively even when under stress, and demonstrate alignment in words, actions, and emotions.
References
Cidado, M. (2025, June 10). Regenerative resilience: Build the capacity your organization needs to thrive amid disruption. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbesbusinessdevelopmentcouncil/2025/07/25/15-smart-ways-business-developers-are-supporting-community-health/