Adopting a Goldilocks Approach to Life
The Swedish philosophy of lagom offers a simple yet powerful perspective on finding balance in one’s life: not too much, not too little … just enough so that it’s just right. It’s a bit of a Goldilocks approach to life, but unlike choosing the perfect bowl of porridge or just the right bed to sleep in, achieving balance in how we function, especially as leaders in the workplace, or parents in the home, often proves more challenging.
In Resilient Leadership Development, these types of functional imbalances are characterized as over-functioning and under-functioning. Two sides of the same coin – or either end of a seesaw, depending on your metaphorical preference – neither state is desirable or sustainable.
At first glance, over-functioning can look like a positive: someone who steps up to take on more than their fair share of tasks, thus easing the burden on others. What seems helpful on the surface, however, often carries hidden costs. Like a seesaw, over-functioning and under-functioning are reciprocal; the interplay between them creates further imbalances that can spread throughout an organization.
Hidden Costs of Over-Functioning
When someone over-functions in one area of their life – such as at work – they’re most often under-functioning in another, whether that be in their home life, relationships, or leisure. Chronic over-functioning behaviors can lead to stress, burnout, and even resentment. And the impact doesn’t stop there. Over-functioning doesn’t just involve completing tasks; it often means taking on the thinking, worrying, and feeling for others, thereby taking on a disproportionate share of emotional and cognitive load as well.
Over-functioners are also unintentionally depriving others of opportunities for growth, learning, and professional advancement. A cycle develops in this dynamic where the over-functioner takes on more, others can become under-functioners; contributing and engaging less frequently and further deepening the imbalance.
Impacts of Under-Functioning
Chronic under-functioning, on the other hand, can lead to missed opportunities for individual development, expanded performance, and a sense of accomplishment. Over time, feelings of apathy, disconnection, and disenfranchisement may arise. When an individual is consistently under-functioning, they might feel stuck or even incapable, further perpetuating a pattern of inaction.
Recognizing Imbalanced Behaviors
The first step to interrupting this cycle is recognizing the associated behaviors whether in yourself or others.
Over-functioning might look like:
Consistently taking charge or solving problems for others.
Feeling responsible for others’ thoughts, emotions, or outcomes.
Regularly over-committing to tasks or responsibilities.
Under-functioning might look like:
Relying on others to make decisions or take action.
Avoiding responsibilities or stepping back when challenges arise.
Feeling disconnected, apathetic, or stuck in a passive role.
Regaining Balance
Once you identify these behaviors, the next step is to restore equilibrium.
For over-functioners this might mean:
Practicing saying “no” and setting clear boundaries.
Allowing others to step up, even if they struggle at first.
Reconnecting with areas of their life where they have been under-functioning.
For under-functioners this might mean:
Taking intentional steps to engage and contribute.
Challenging themselves to take ownership of tasks and decisions.
Seeking support to regain confidence and overcome inertia.
The philosophy of lagom offers a final reminder: balance is not about perfection, rather, it is a process of discovering what is “just right” for you, your organization, and your life.